The Lucky One

I probably should be writing about something controversial. Something about America and its downfall or something about our history and not repeating itself. However, I personally think if you’ve been surfing the web, listening to the radio, or watching the news you’ve probably had enough “doom and gloom” for the week.

I’m not trying to take away from anything going on in the world today, lives are changing constantly, but when all you see is sadness, hate, and pain, it’s important to look for the sun even on the darkest of days. July 3rd  my parents would have celebrated their 28th wedding anniversary. Most couples would enjoy a day on the beach, fishing in the sea, or eating a candle-lit dinner reminiscing about the many years of life and love. If this were 15 years ago, you would see me walking down the sidewalk with a big bouquet of roses and a balloon headed to meet my dad and give him mom’s present. He always forgot the day, but never forgot to buy a gift, and only a man who has been married for many, many years would understand what I’m talking about. But time changes things and nothing stays the same, now the fifteen year old that would run around with her dad’s credit card buying gifts is a woman placing flowers on her dad’s grave as her mother grieves another year without her love.

“Every rose has its thorn”, it’s an old-rock song that is one of the more popular Guns-N-Roses chart toppers. It’s also the last song my mom and dad ever danced too. When I hear the song now, it takes me back to them and how they were. I wasn’t there the last night they danced, but I can picture it as if I was standing in the room watching. I can still see the love my dad had for my mom in his eyes and the utter happiness my mom felt glowing from her face. Yes it is true every rose has its thorn.

A thorn in life, it can be a pain to get out, and some thorns cut you so deep you always bleed while others leave scars. The most beautiful roses they are usually the ones that cut the deepest, but still admire them, still enjoy them, and still grow them. The rose that I see as my mom and dad’s relationship is one of the most beautiful I have ever seen. Thinking back on that love and time, I find tears. Tears of sadness because I know I will never be able to witness those moments again on this earth but also tears of joy because I was one of the lucky few who were able to see it with my own eyes. I grew up with both parents, I had the Fairytale childhood, and I know without a doubt that I was born out of complete and true love. I am one of the lucky ones.

I fell in love with my husband at 15; I started thinking about my funeral for the first time at 28. When I was told I was going into heart failure, my whole world crashed as it had on December 7, 2002 when my dad died. Every dream I ever had vanished. Every hope and prayer I ever said disappeared from my mind, and growing old with my husband became a thing of fairytales. Reality hit me and it hit hard. Country singer Gary Allen said it best in his song “Life Ain’t Always Beautiful” when he said, “life ain’t always beautiful, sometimes it’s just plain hard. Life can knock you down, it can break your heart”. Life broke my heart twice in 29 years. It broke my heart the day my daddy left this Earth and it broke my heart at 28 the day I realized my own immortality, but you know what I’m still one of the lucky ones.

Nobody’s life is perfect and more so nobody’s death is perfect. People are taken from us because of others’ fear, rushed actions, and bad decisions, and sometimes people are taken just because life decided it was their time. Life isn’t always beautiful but keep going because you’ll find “the struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time”.

My dad died when I was 15, I have fought to live my entire life, I was able to have my own child, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch her grow up. That’s a big thorn to take, but I will because I’m one of the lucky ones. I may not have 50 more years to grow old but in 29 years I can say I have truly lived. I seen true love in my parents’ eyes growing up and I was able to start experiencing it at the young age of 15. There are still people older then me that are searching this world for what me and Dennis found at 15 and 19 years old. I don’t know what tomorrow holds but I know that my life was beautiful and I will continue to make it beautiful even if I have to deal with a couple of thorns, because it’s the journey that makes life worth living and its’ that journey that teaches you to appreciate life, thorns and all. Yes, I’m one of the lucky ones because I choose to be, do you?

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